My Sirius black
by marrissa gnokawitz
Summary: Marianne loves and will always love Sirius Black. No one understands why . Through "Cheating", reasonless fights, Azcaban, a bit of  advice, critisim, and "pity" from her friends, his friends, and "other girls", she stood by him. Now she tells her story. #
1. Studying transfiguration

**N/A Idea! **

Studying late in the common room.

With you. As always.

It never failed to surprise me whenever I got you to open a text book.

But this was transfiguration after all.

A subject you found pretty fascinating.

It got late.

I fell asleep on the couch.

She walked in.

Took your hand, and walked you away.

I knew you would rather have just stayed with me.

By the way you kissed my forehead when she turned around.

I knew and I still know that all those girls were for your reputation.

But I was for you.

So then she lead you out of the common room and took you to where they always take you.

Where ever that was. I didn't care to find **that** out.

If you're wondering how I know about them.

Those other girls I mean.

I owe that to your friends.

I talked for hours with James about it all at the top of the astronomy tower in fact.

He told me I was so stupid to not dump you.

For breaking my heart.

I laughed.

You weren't breaking my heart.

I told him that and he asked why.

I told him.

I loved you. You loved me. And you barley liked them.

He asked how I knew.

I asked him.

Can't you tell?

He rolled his eyes at me.

" He's my best friend Marianne , All I see is him with a million girls, behind your back,"

" All I hear is of him snogging them in broom closets, thinking you don't know."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever he does with them is for the entertainment of our fellow students."

I told him.

He laughed.

He told me that you didn't deserve me.

I knew you didn't.

But without you where else would my thoughts have wandered.

What else would make me laugh down by the black lake on Saturdays.

And who else would tutor me in transfiguration late at night in the common room

Until I fell asleep.


	2. Hogsmeade

_**N/A oh Sirius! I recently got sort of obsessed with marauders era! And after writing **__**In the halls of Hogwarts **__** I also had this idea. I had it for a while actually and am now trying it out in my first story in verse! Enjoy!**_

When you told me you weren't in the mood to go to Hogsmeade.

I knew you were to be on your way there with two girls at your sides.

And I didn't see you, you were careful enough.

You were right as always, I was in the common room.

I didn't need to see you.

I was talking to Remus.

He didn't want to go either.

He said I should have gone and surprised you.

He said he would have loved to see the look on your face.

I told him that when I said I didn't want to go I wasn't lying.

Neither were you.

He smiled at me.

He thought I was just so in love with you I didn't care at all what you did.

He compared me to James and how he feels about lily.

Though my situation was different, I told him.

James did seem to understand it the best.

One of the girls you went with was in my dorm.

Afterwards she talked to her friends about it late at night.

I was reading Peter Pan on the couch in front of the fire.

She sat down next to me.

" I feel so bad for you darling," She said.

I didn't look up.

"He loves me," I said.

Her friends laughed with her.

" And what proof do you have of that sweet heart? After all it wasn't you he was snogging down by the shrieking shack." She told me smirking.

I still didn't look up.

" And its not you he kisses on the forehead, laughs with on Saturdays down by the black lake, and studies transfiguration with late at night until you fall asleep."

She got up and left.

" But I'm the one he leaves with after you fall asleep." She mumbled.

I kept reading.

I felt bad for her.

She wouldn't ever have someone love her.

Not like I loved you.

And despite what James and her said.

How you loved me.


	3. Down by the black lake

_**N/A This should be good…..**_

You were so cute.

As a dog.

You splashed in the water down by the black lake.

Your friends laughed and didn't see me coming.

"Where did you find him?" I asked.

They spun around you sat still.

"Just a stray, he was in an ally down in Hogsmeade." James said.

Peter nodded.

They got up from their log and walked up the hill.

Leaving you and Remus there.

"Sirius found him," Remus said.

Then he left.

You growled at him.

You licked my hand as I sat down on the log.

"Have you seen sirius, we meet here every Saturday to watch the sun and skip stones on the water?"

You ran away down the shore out of sight.

I laughed and pulled out a book.

You walked up a few minutes later.

You shook your still wet hair.

Then sat down next to me.

"Woof?" I said and smiled.

You sighed but I saw you smile too.

"Your too smart for your own good." You replied.

You looked worried.

I took your hand and held it.

" You know you can trust me." I told you.

You smiled and shook your hair again.

Getting me wet.

" I won't tell them I know don't worry, wouldn't want you to get in trouble."

You rolled your eyes.

"You're a really quite a cute dog." I said smiling.

You told me if I were anyone else but me you would have bitten me.

I asked who else even knew besides your friends.

You said James also agreed that you were "really quiet a cute dog."

I laughed.

We both did.

We skipped rocks.

Watched the sun set.

I felt her glare from all the way up the hill.

One of your other girls.

She was watching us from there.

You knew she was.

I asked who she was though I already knew.

" Just some girl." You told me.

Then you turned back to me and smiled.

I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

" Really, she's just some girl." You said.

I smiled and pushed you into the water we were wading in.

It was winter and the water was cold.

You Pulled me in too.

That's how I know.

I knew already that she was just some girl.

But now I could tell James that you said so next time you went to Hogsmeade.

With her or another just like her.

Because even though others would assume you said:

" She's just some random girl watching us."

I know you meant.

" She's just another girl she doesn't mean anything to me,"

Though you didn't know then that I knew.

You had a date with her the next day.

But you weren't going to laugh with her,

You weren't going to Study with them.

You only kissed my forehead.

Squeezed my hand.

So that's how I know you loved me.

Not them.

Any of them.

I told James so that night when you went of to "study" With one of them.

He still said I was a stupid girl.

He said you couldn't study in a broom closet.

I told him I knew that.


	4. Dancing

_**N/A oh just admit it you really want to see him dance and you know it!**_

I had never seen you dance before.

At all.

At least not the dancing one is expected to do at Yule balls.

I was sitting on the balcony of the astronomy tower with Remus.

As always talking mostly about you.

He laughed when I brought it up.

He said he had never seen you dance either.

And if I could get you to:

he would give me 10 galleons.

And

Not eat meat for two days.

Considering his love for bacon I assume that he didn't believe I could get you to.

That Saturday I asked you why you didn't dance.

You simply replied : "I don't know how,"

I laughed.

You glared at me.

I Asked "If I taught you, would you dance with me at the Yule ball?"

You said you weren't a dancing type of person.

We stayed silent.

The sun set.

We walked back up to the castle.

I teased you for being afraid of dancing.

You rolled your eyes.

" Can you honestly picture me: Sirius black, dancing?"

You asked me when we reached the common room.

I honestly could.

James who was studying in the common room at the time.

Said he defiantly could too.

We both laughed and you shook your head and sat down on the couch.

Propping your feet up on the coffee table.

" I don't think I have actually ever seen someone in my family dance."

You said.

James laughed.

" When have you been one to be like your family?"

Peter said walking down the stairs.

We all gave you a questioning glance.

You went up to bed.

Leaving us all smiling.

At the top of the astronomy tower.

James was telling me about your date that morning.

With some ravanclaw named Selena.

She apparently wanted to see If you would dance with her.

She was known by most as the most gorgeous witch ever to set foot in Hogwarts.

I laughed suddenly.

James turned to look at me confused.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It was just some thing" I said "I think might make her a bit mad,"

James looked more confused.

" Not even the prettiest witch to ever set foot in Hogwarts could make him dance."

I told him.

And then I began to laugh and laugh.

I think I scared James a bit.

One week later it was the day of the Yule ball.

It was also Saturday.

I unlike all my friends,

Did not start getting ready at dawn.

I woke up at eleven and walked down to the lake.

You hadn't started getting ready either.

"It's a mad house up there," I said

I skipped a stone across the water.

I got four hops.

"Shouldn't you be up there going mad too?" you asked me.

"Shouldn't you?" I responded

You smiled.

"I suppose I should since everyone will be watching me tonight".

Then you glared at me.

I didn't look at you but smiled and tossed another stone.

"And why might that be?"

I asked you chuckling.

You walked up next to me and crossed your arms.

I tried not to smile.

"It seems everyone is quite interested in if I'll dance or not."

I tried to keep a strait face.

"Oh really?" I responded.

You nodded.

" I'm so sorry I'm going to have to disappoint them all."

I rolled my eyes.

You started your way up the hill to the castle.

I wore a purple and blue floor length dress.

My friend Lisa said I looked like a lilac.

I liked lilacs.

You wore midnight blue suit and matching black tie.

And James pointed out neither of us did anything with our hair.

But wash it.

As Lisa and I talked to you and Remus.

I spotted at least twenty girls glaring at me.

From all over the room.

I felt bad that there night was ruined.

They couldn't enjoy their dates because they would rather be with you.

I felt worse for there dates.

We talked and watched our friends.

Even a few teachers.

Dance around the floor.

We sang along to all the songs we knew.

At nine o'clock:

I went to get some pumpkin juice.

So did one of your "other girls".

"Looks like your not so much different then us as you think sweetie," She said.

"He won't dance with us either."

I glared at her.

Took my pumpkin juice

And walked away.

I wasn't and never was like her.

Ever.

At the end of the night I looked for you.

I wasn't sure were you had gone.

Remus and Peter said they wanted to show me something.

I sighed a bit tired.

I followed them any way.

They led me too the astronomy tower.

I climbed all the steps to the top.

James was there waiting by the balcony.

All three of them smiled.

"What are you guys up to?" I asked smiling too.

" I believe Sirius can answer that." Said James

You stepped from the shadows.

I smiled as you took my hand.

" I have some very annoying friends." You said.

"Shut up and dance with her already mate!" James shouted.

I laughed and you rolled your eyes.

"Remember your part of the bargain and I will." You said.

Before I knew it James had pulled a guitar out of the shadows.

Then your three "annoying" friends began singing.

I can still hardly believe this happened.

I bet they couldn't believe it either.

"Here goes nothing" you mumbled under your breath.

I heard you though.

You actually were a pretty good dancer.

And when we finally stopped.

It was three am.

Your friends stayed.

Sung.

And cheered for you.

The entire time.

When we got back to the common room.

And said good night to each other.

Remus slipped ten galleons into my hand.

No one noticed though.

But there were a few comments at breakfast.


	5. Secrets

_**N/A I loved how horribly cliché that last one was! How ever this is a bit different…**_

We didn't fight.

More then twice.

Throughout the entire time we knew each other.

That I remember.

And one was just two weeks after the Yule ball.

It wasn't because I caught you "cheating"

Like everyone said.

I wonder now who exactly started that rumor.

Probably one of the more paranoid girls.

It was because of Remus.

The fight, I mean.

You were upset that he told me.

A secret.

All your friends were,

Mad.

Not to mention scared.

But you most of all.

You had been forced home

for a "family emergency,"

on a Saturday,

a full moon Saturday.

I knew your mom really didn't want you at your uncles funereal.

You had to go any way though.

Remus was terribly sick.

I heard your friends say that you were particularly important,

in safety precautions,

because you were also canine.

I had no idea what they were talking about.

I knew your secret.

But I didn't know his.

He was in the hospital wing.

I had no where to go.

I decided to visit him.

He was really pale,

and shaky.

"Shouldn't you be down by the lake?" He asked me.

I laughed.

I told him that it was true

I went down there every Saturday,

but only when you did.

We always skipped rocks talked and watched the sunset together.

But you weren't here so I had no reason to go.

"Its only for 3 more days." He told me smiling.

I reminded him that when you came back

we should defiantly not tell you

how much we all missed you when you weren't around.

I asked him

what your friends were talking about

when they said you were both canine.

I didn't tell him I already knew,

what _you_ were.

He sighed.

He asked what I thought of werewolves.

I thought he was changing the subject.

I told him my uncle was a werewolf.

He looked surprised.

"How long has he been?" he asked.

I didn't notice how nonchalant he sounded.

Instead of the usual voice people use,

which is much like the one used when asking how long

someone has been injured,

or very sick.

I believe it's called pity.

He sounded so calm.

Like it was an everyday topic.

"Since he was twelve."

I replied.

I knew my uncle never minded when I told people.

"He's 26 now."

Remus nodded.

He was looking off into space.

" I was 9, I think." He said.

He said it quietly.

I don't even think I was supposed to have heard him.

He turned towards me.

Right after he said it.

He looked so scared.

Worried.

I knew he regretted saying that out loud.

The very minute he did.

"I won't tell anyone. I promise." I said.

But not in the voice,

People use when talking,

about a deadly illness someone's been hiding.

He nodded.

Thinking to himself silently.

"I know."

I had always trusted him.

Whenever I talked to him about you.

"I trust you Marianne."

He smiled at me half heartedly.

Then he looked into space again.

We were silent.

We didn't discuss _it_ any further.

"But I don't think they have as much trust in you as I do."

He sighed.

I nodded.

I agreed with him on that.

And he was right.


	6. Not a pleseant dissucion

_**N/A I am going over this for the 200th time…**_

While Remus was recovering,

I visited him again.

I don't really remember,

What exactly we talked about,

Just normal everyday things.

I do remember however

That at one point,

Some how we started talking,

about chocolate.

He said he read somewhere that it helped

after dementor attacks.

I wondered what book that was in.

I didn't ask though.

And it also helped him recover faster.

I said I would tell my uncle.

He gave me a piece.

Neither of us heard James.

As he walked up.

James told me I needed to leave,

because he really need to speak to Remus.

Remus said it was ok if I stayed.

James lifted an eyebrow

" She **has** to leave" James repeated

I looked at James awkwardly.

" It's about…um.."

"She knows Prongs," Remus inturupted.

He was way calmer then I

Would have been.

"I told her yesterday," he continued,

After a moment.

James clenched his teeth.

I looked at the floor.

"I decided that I trust her enough. Her uncle…"

He had started to say.

James cut him off.

" You trust **her.**"

He had the most terrible look

On his face

When he said

" **Her.**"

He pointed at me angrily.

It felt like he had stabbed me.

I stood slowly to leave.

James watched me.

He glared at me.

When I was almost out

Of the hospital wing,

I heard him say:

"We need to discuss this as a group when you're done recovering

and _Padfoot_ returns."

He stormed past me

Just as I reached the door.

I wondered what you would say.

_**N/A ok I guess…But five months editing is far too long…**_


	7. Trust

_**N/A this chapter and the last one used to be one but I spilt them because they were wayyyy to long!**_

It was two days later.

It was really late into the night.

The common room was empty.

Well, except for me.

I was sitting on a couch,

reading **Peter Pan** again.

I heard the several voices yelling,

from a distance.

And I hid.

In walked:

An angry James,

and a somewhat confused Peter,

dragging a very upset looking Remus.

"He should be back by now. I'll go get him."

Said Peter.

He looked eager to escape the other two,

If only for a brief moment.

He came down moments later

With a somewhat confused you.

You took one look at James's face and became serious right away.

"We need to talk to you about that girlfriend of yours." Said James

"Marianne," Peter added.

I rolled my eyes.

"Tell him what you did Moony." Sighed James.

You looked surprised.

" Moony? What does he have to do with Marianne?"

You asked.

Then a bit of anger flashed into your eyes.

"I swear mate if while you were like that you laid a hand on her…."

James interrupted you.

"No, no it was nothing like that,

It was **worse**"

You stared at him silent in an angry sort of shock,

not knowing what to say.

Remus sat down in the couch I was hiding behind.

"Worse?"

You asked.

A faint bit of fear in your voice.

"Prongs your making too big a deal…."

Remus started to say sighing.

I agreed with him.

"He told your** girlfriend **his "little secret"!" James spat angrily.

"Which secret?" You asked slightly relieved. "Moony has a lot of them."

"We're not joking around," said Peter seriously.

James jabbed his finger at Remus.

"_He_ told her why he "goes away" every month."

You stared at Remus for a moment in disbelief.

You sat down with your head in your hands.

"Moony, you didn't. Did you?"

"Yes padfoot I told her what I am."

"You're lying. Tell me you're lying".

"I'm not; I'm perfectly fine with Marianne knowing I'm a werewolf."

He told you he trusted me just as much as he trusted you.

You said he couldn't.

You said he shouldn't.

That hurt.

A lot.

You said I was a nice girl and all.

But I _was_ a girl, a teenage girl at that.

And therefore I was untrustworthy.

You looked even more upset then James,

As you listed your reasons,

For believing Remus was very, very wrong,

In the decision.

Each reason,

Stabbing into me.

Tears streaming,

down my cheeks,

I stood up,

from behind the couch.

As I walked across the room,

I felt all of your stares.

Right before I climbed the stairs,

I turned to face all of you.

Hugging my book to my chest.

" I….."

I had no words.

What could I have said?

Remus's head was in his hands.

James looked terrified and a bit embarrassed.

Peter looked embarrassed and a bit terrified.

Your face just looked angry.

But your eyes looked terrified.

As I walked up the stairs,

I head you grumble to Remus:

"See what I meant mate? She even eavesdrops."

_**N/A I guess I'll finally publish this..**_


	8. Jelous

_**N/A I both really wanted to and really didn't want to write this chapter….. Mostly because Sirius looks like a real jerk and for all you reading it like "Why are his friends so mad?" I explain that here!**_

Five days and a Saturday.

That's how long you avoided me.

Not just you actually.

All your friends did.

James did

Peter did

and

Remus did.

Because he didn't want to make it worse,

for me.

Even after _they_ all got over it.

They still stayed away.

Because_ you_ were still angry.

You had a bad temper.

They chose not,

to interfere.

Your glares

from across the room,

your cold way,

of walking past me in the hallway.

the way you rolled you eyes

when I answered a question right in class,

and mumbled:

"Of course. She does know **everything**!"

That really hurt.

_A lot._

I would have been able

to brush it off

normally.

But this was _you._

_You_ had never insulted me.

**Ever.**

Even in your worst moods,

you were so sweet to me.

So instead of brushing it of,

I cried.

I didn't want to,

but I cried.

_A lot._

When we were forced,

to work together in potions,

and you argued with me

about how to make

The Poison of Suffocation,

you said:

"Well if you think that their rights prove it! Drink some!"

then mumbled:

"It'd certainly end my suffering."

I gave up the fight,

turned away,

and I let you finish the potion.

I really hated fighting,

with you.

That really hurt me.

_A lot_

When I went down,

to the black lake

_Alone_

on Saturday,

all of my rocks sank.

I watched the sun set by myself.

I felt like I

Was trapped

in some sad

Muggle movie.

You were hurting me.

_A lot._

I had no idea,

why you were so mad.

I thought it wasn't such a big deal

Foryour friend,

_our_ friend

to tell _me_ a secret.

It was _his _choice.

_His secret!_

For that,

I was mad at you.

I didn't want to be,

but I was.

It was Sunday.

I was talking to my friends.

I forget what exactly

we were talking about.

We were sitting

watching quidditch practice,

up in the stands.

I was reading **Peter Pan**

'stead of watching.

That was probably

what we were talking about.

My friends liked to tease me.

Then you swooped down on your broom.

I kept reading.

My friends left slowly and quietly.

I kept reading.

You sat down next to me.

I kept reading.

You pulled out your wand,

and levitated my book,

to the middle of the field.

James grabbed it from the air,

and

flew it over to the golden hoops.

He left it promptly,

on the top of the middle one.

The highest one.

I sighed.

I put my head down.

In my hands.

Absolutely refusing

to look at you.

" I don't like hating you y'know"

You said quietly.

You sounded upset.

I didn't look up.

" Do you know why I have to hate you?"

I looked strait forward.

The rest of the team,

was practicing

per normal circumstances.

I could tell,

they weren't really

focusing though.

I shook my head.

I still hadn't looked at you.

"Because Moony is one of my best friends."

I nodded.

I sighed.

"I know you're all worried about him.

"But it's his choice who he tells _his_ secret!"

You sighed.

"I am worried."

You leaned back,

on the bench,

behind us.

"That much is true."

You stared at the sky.

"But that's not why I'm mad."

I was terribly confused.

"He didn't actually trust us from the start,

We found out."

I almost gasped out loud.

"Then you,

his best friends

_Girlfriend, _

He trusts

Enough to tell?"

I could hardly believe it.

You were jealous.

"You made cry,

You made me feel

_Absolutely_

_Horrible_

for a week,

Because you were jealous?"

I asked.

You buried your head,

In you hands

And nodded.

I smiled.

" _The _Sirius Black, was jealous!"

I exclaimed.

"You just get everything so easy."

"At least it seems so,"

You told me.

"My best friends trust, just sort of,

Through me off the edge."

I smiled again.

"It's ok."

I said.

"I think I would hate me too."

You looked up at me,

and smiled as well.

" Last night,"

You said.

" All my friends decided to tell me

what a jerk I was being."

I smiled again.

"You are a jerk Sirius."

I replied.

"I said 'was being' Marianne."

You lifted an eyebrow,

and smirked at me.

"I said 'are' Sirius"

I replied.

"Now go get my book."

I pointed at my **Peter Pan**

At the top of the middle hoop.

The Tallest hoop.

You rolled your eyes.

You jumped on your broom.

You went and got it.

And then you brought it back to me.

Thus ended,

our first,

our strangest,

our most simple based,

ridiculous,

fight.

_**N/A Sirius….**_


	9. Warm Days

_**N/A I should be working on something else but…**_

It was still

Sort of chilly

Outside.

But there were those few days

When it felt

Like it was

Already summer.

Except

We were at school.

We weren't the only ones

Who went

Down to the lake

On Saturdays.

It seemed there wasn't

A

Single

Moment.

When the shore was clear of:

Studiers, or couples,

or

Groups

Of

Giggling

Girls.

You and your friends

Had your own favorite little tree.

To sit under.

A few times

You even took

Some _other_ girls

To sit by the water

Or go

On walks

Around the lake.

But you never skipped rocks,

Or watched the sun set,

You didn't kiss there foreheads,

And you defiantly never

_Studied_.

You never sat under the tree.

And every Saturday

No matter how warm

And walking perfect

It might have been.

Just like clockwork.

The rocks skip.

The sun sets.

Sirius and Marianne

Walk back up to the castle.

It was just one of those things.

Everyone knows

But they don't really

Think about.

Or care about.

Till it changes.

_**N/A Dun Dun Dun …the tension builds!**_


	10. The clock breaks

_**N/A Last chapter and this one used to be one but it was far too long!**_

One of the few things

You might not have known

About James

Was that:

He loved making bets.

He wasn't

Really into it

When he was with you guys.

But,

With me

On those warm days,

It was his favorite thing to do.

When you took

One of _them_

Down to the lake

We would follow you.

Under the invisibility cloak.

Yes.

I knew about the invisibility cloak.

We tried to prove

Who knew you best.

It went something like:

"10 knuts he puts his arm around her shoulders in the next 10 minutes."

"15 he lets his hair fall over his eyes and looks the other direction as he does it."

"Dang it Marianne!"

They weren't very big sums of money,

But it was fun all the same.

It wasn't just those

_Cheesy_

Little things

You did on dates either.

"5 sickles he trips on that pointy rock."

"7 She doesn't even help him up and gets annoyed."

"…Awww! He just missed it! Same stakes, mossy rock that looks like a turtle?"

"I thought that was a turtle!"

It was really entertaining

Till

The _clock_ broke.

Saturday afternoon.

Marianne leaves

The Gryffindor common room.

To walk down to the lake.

She returns a short while later.

_Alone._

The sun is still up.

She walks quietly

To a chair and

Picks up

A well worn.

Green book.

From the coffee table.

And starts to read.

Everyone watches from the corner

Of their eyes.

As a confused looking

James Potter stands up

And goes to the window.

"Oh no…"

Remus Lupin

And

Peter Pettigrew

Go to the window.

"What?"

Asks Peter.

"That!"

Whispers James.

" Look over by the tree…"

"Wha…Oh no…"

Remus covers his mouth

As if shocked.

" It's not him."

He says after a moment.

"Sure looks like him."

Says Peter.

Peter, James, and Remus

Leave the common room.

Remus in the lead.

Practically running.

Eyes silently following them.

Then turning to look at

The girl sitting in a chair

Looking at the pages of a copy _**Peter Pan.**_

But not reading

A single word.

This was not

How Saturday afternoons

**Happened.**

The clock had broken.

It was just one of those things.

Everyone knew.

And they didn't even

Have

To think about it.

They could feel it.

_**N/A Gosh I hope you guys get the metaphor…or is it a simile? …..**_


	11. All night

_**N/.A PLEASE READ! Last chapter and the one before it were one but they were to long so I spilt it. Then I added on too much to the last so I had to split that one! That's why the beginning of this chapter and the end of the last are the same. It wouldn't make sense without it and I couldn't keep it as one chapter cause it would be to long.**_

The clock had broken.

It was just one of those things.

Everyone knew.

And they didn't even

Have

To think about it.

I wish that

I could say the same.

I couldn't _not_ think about it.

I sat there

All** night.**

Sometimes I _read_ the book

In my hands.

Sometimes

I was just staring

At the pages.

I thought:

_I'm an idiot._

_I was only lying to myself._

_This whole time._

I thought of the girl

Who approached me

At the Yule ball

"Looks like you're not so much different then us as you think sweetie."

The girl in my dorm

You went with to Hogsmeade.

"I feel so bad for you darling!"

And some of the those things

James said

About you

When we talked

Up at the astronomy tower

Sometimes.

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

He asked once.

"Do what?"

I said.

"You don't deserve him Marianne. You know that though don't you?"

He would say all the time.

Signature smirk

On his face.

One thing in particular he had said

A long while before.

Kept running through my mind.

"He's my best friend Marianne,"

"All I see is him with a million girls,"

"Behind your back."

"All I hear is of him snogging them in broom closets."

"Thinking you don't know."

I had replied.

"_Whatever he does with them is for the entertainment of our fellow students."_

Now I kept asking myself.

In spite of my

Usual judgment.

_Is it?_


	12. My Mistake

_**N/A A writer should not get attached to their char for pointing out acters. J.K created Sirius so I have an excuse. To love someone else's character is perfectly normal. But I created Marianne. I am too attached to her. When one gets a good idea for the plot, no matter how much one hates it one must use it for they know it is a good idea. It will add a lot to the plot. No one will see it coming. They must remember characters are people on pages not actually people in ones life. The idea must be used no matter how much it hurts the character, or you, or your readers for it to happen. I did not create this chapter because I was sad. I was sad because I created this chapter.**_

We all

Make mistakes.

And I never shared _this _one I made

With you.

Before now.

I tried to forget it.

I sort of did.

But every once in a while.

I would remember.

It must have been the same with him

As well.

I wonder sometimes

If he told you.

And you as well,

Just tried to forget.

Along with us.

It never happened.

It didn't matter weather it did or didn't.

So it just didn't.

It was easier that way.

But it did happen.

Weather he told you or not.

Even though _I _decided

I would never tell you.

And all problems were fixed

So it didn't need to be known then.

It needs to be known now.

So here it goes.

After that night.

Of staring at pages

And thinking.

I was very tired.

Light eventually came into the room.

But I refused to look at the window.

I hated the sun now.

Rising and setting.

Or just sitting in the sky.

I walked up the stairs

Quietly so I wouldn't wake anyone.

But I didn't get in my bed and sleep.

I put on new robes

Brushed my hair

And my teeth.

And I went on a walk

Around the castle.

Not really caring where I went.

Mind blank.

I had thought all I needed to think.

The night before.

That's when I heard steps.

I barley heard them

At first.

The world around me was nothing now.

I was nothing now.

I was unaware

At the strangeness

Of someone else being awake

And roaming the castle.

But then I heard your name.

And mine.

"How could Sirius even consider doing something like that?"

"She's Marianne for Merlin's sake!…not...Not...Ugh I don't even know..."

I turned slowly,

Not just because I was nothing.

But because I was tired

I had no energy

And no particular want to move very much at all.

The talking stopped

They had seen me.

Then they whispered.

"Isn't that her?"

"Yes. She looks like she didn't get much sleep."

"Can you blame her?"

They walked towards me.

I didn't move.

I just watched them come closer.

And let James hug me.

And watched Remus give me a concerned glance

From over his shoulder.

But my arms stayed at my sides.

And my eyes probably had no emotion.

I was _nothing._

And they noticed.

I know because they looked worried.

I also knew

They hadn't come back to the common room

The night before.

I'd have noticed.

If they had.

Well actually I probably wouldn't have.

But they still didn't.

After we stood in silence

And they looked at me

With pity and concern

For several moments.

I asked why.

And I asked where Peter was.

Their explanation

Seemed to trouble them.

Peter was with you.

You

Were in the hospital wing.

They had apparently rushed down to the lake.

Realized they had no initial plan.

Decided they couldn't just do nothing.

And stand and let that just happen.

So their solution was to hide and

Attack you with several jinxes till you were unconscious

Then the confused and scared girl went to get Madame Antidotium.

They had gone up after

And had been waiting for you to come to all night.

Brilliant plan, really.

I was sure you would approve when you finally woke up.

I told them so.

They smiled.

They told me I needed sleep.

I said if I tried to I wouldn't be able to.

I told them I just wanted to walk.

That was sort of a lie,

I didn't _want_ anything at all.

I was _nothing_.

Remus went up to the common room.

James said he'd walk with me.

He said he probably wouldn't be able to sleep either.

So we walked for a while.

In silence.

Not really caring where we went.

I was _nothing_.

And he was _almost_ nothing.

After about a half hour.

Something in us realized the early birds would

Be roaming around by now.

So my feet took us to the astronomy tower.

But not the top.

We were tired.

And the tower had a lot of stairs.

So we sat on the bottom stair.

He tapped his fingers.

I aimlessly hummed a song that didn't exist.

Then he spoke.

"What do _you_ think he was thinking?"

He asked.

"I don't know."

I said after a minute.

I was thinking about you again.

I was feeling.

I was_ something_.

"Me neither."

He said.

" Me neither."

He whispered to himself.

Their was silence.

I didn't hum.

He didn't tap his fingers.

But I was something now.

I was sad.

Very, very sad.

And angry

At myself.

" I hate myself."

I said quietly.

" Don't."

He mumbled.

Then I cried.

And he hugged me again.

I got the shoulder of his robes all wet.

And no matter

How much

I told my self to stop.

I couldn't stop crying.

And I couldn't speak.

And when I finally lifted my head.

Off his shoulder.

He kissed me.

And I did

nothing.

Thought nothing.

Felt nothing.

I let my hands fall to my sides.

Just like that.

I was _nothing._

Once more.

He pulled away.

It was silent.

I stood up.

And my feet took me all the way

To the great hall.

Not many people were in there.

If I had any emotion in me

I'd have been happy about that.

I ate a little food.

I was hungry as well as tired.

I let my head

Drop to the table.

I fell asleep.

I had no dreams.

_**N/A Finished this at about 2:09 am. I was really dramatic in the top N/A but I get like that sometimes when I write. REVIEWS please. I only gotten like 3 ! ( And by the way thank you guys you made my week!) I know people are reading this. And even if all of you hate it any thing would make me happy. I promise no matter what I WILL REPLY TO ALL REVIEWS TO THIS CHAPTER! If I get a lot maybe not for others… but I doubt it. **_

_**N/A The real chapter 12! Thank you Dinia0704 MY mistake.**_


	13. Hospitial Wing

_**N/A Sooo yeah James deserves some hatred now. I mean what were you thinking! That did not help at all! …Just don't be too harsh on him. He didn't know what he was doing. He might explain him self in a later chapter when their alone… and it's all awkward….I like writing chapters like that!.**_

I knew where I was

Before I opened my eyes.

I was on a bed.

One that was comfortable in that

Stiff,

crisp,

clean,

Sort of way.

The slight traces of

Strange smells

Of lotions

And ointments

And bad tasting

Potions.

Found there way

to my nose.

I had only been sent here

Once before.

Myself.

Forever ago.

I heard talking.

I kept my eyes closed.

And tried to sleep.

"Why's… Marianne... Here?"

" Lisa Nightwing and Eudora Mellowtruckle brought her in a few hours ago. They apparently found her _collapsed_, on the _Gryffindor_ table ."

" Is ..Is she going to be okay?"

The worry

I heard

in your voice

Made me a little bit

_something _

Again.

For a moment.

"Yes Mr. Black. Ms. Fahy will be perfectly fine. It simply appears she didn't get very much sleep last night."

"Studying I assume."

You mumbled

"Probably".

"Now will you please relax for a little while? You need to rest."

" Sure."

I felt your eyes.

Staring at me.

She just had

to give you

the bed next to mine.

I fell back asleep.

" Marianne?"

It was Remus.

I opened my eyes.

And there he was.

Smiling in the chair next to my bed.

"How is she?"

Lisa asked from the foot of my bed.

"Alive."

Responded Eudora from over Remus's shoulder.

I was something.

Just a little bit.

I was happy.

I smiled weakly.

I sat up and leaned on my pillows.

You were staring at a window near the ceiling of the opposite side of the room.

I saw you from the corner of my eye.

" You look very cute when your asleep."

Lisa informed me.

" Me and James came to talk to…."

He stopped.

" Your friends dragged me over here when James left."

He pointed to them.

They nodded.

Proudly.

I smiled.

We talked about an upcoming charms test.

Next Sundays quidditch match

And how Bobbie Linden

almost got mauled

by a group

Of vicious Big tooth Bluebells

in the last Herbology class.

When they left

we were both left staring at windows.

They let me out a little before dinner.

You were asleep.

I ate as much as I could.

When I finished

I went up

to the common room

Finished my essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Then

went to bed.

That's mostly how my whole week went.

All spare time

was spent doing schoolwork.

Or doodling scribbles

on corners of pages.

I couldn't even daydream.

What could I have daydreamed about?

My thoughts didn't wander

Much.

Where would they have wandered?

Thinking about you

Hurt.

_A lot._

I was something now.

But barley.

_**N/A Mostly an uneventful chapter. Next is more emotional I promise. Because Obviously this story lacks emotion! * Rolls Eyes .* Reviewers Of chapter 11 you rock. Nonexistent reviewers of chapter 12 I wish you existed! You should check out my holiday story by the way!. Its Lily-centric but Marianne's in it. She's Pre- Sirius though. He's in it too….that's an understatement big time!**_


	14. Knowing

_**N/A You can forgive him now! And I'm not talking about James! ( Mostly because the reviewers don't seem to be to mad at him..)**_

"Marianne?"

I guess I went down to the lake

out of habit.

Or

Maybe I knew

Something like that

Would happen

Deep down.

But nothing,

Prepared me

To hear you say my name

As I stood there

And watched another rock sink.

I picked up another one

But

I didn't

even

throw it.

I just stood there

listening to you

Walk closer and closer.

Till you were standing next to me.

"I have no idea what to say."

You sighed.

You picked up a rock and tossed it.

It sank.

"Marianne… you're the only girl in the world I care about."

You said to the lake.

"That's a lie."

I surprised myself saying.

"You could have just gone and snogged her in a broom closet,"

"If you didn't care about her"

I surprised my self again

a second later.

You flinched.

That's when

I decided.

If you knew

I was upset

And wanted

to make it better

You should know exactly what

I was upset about.

So I told you.

I told you how

I knew

All about

The

"Other girls."

How

And why

I hadn't cared.

"But Sirius you watched the sunset with her,

On a _Saturday_,

When you perfectly well knew

I'd see you."

My voice sounded

so loud

in my ears.

I felt like

I was yelling.

I was out of breath.

" If you say that it doesn't matter

To you,

None of the times you were with me

do either."

The silence lasted forever.

" You knew?"

You managed to say finally.

I nodded.

I was crying

By then .

" _You_, never threatened me Marianne."

You whispered.

"What?"

I was confused.

"You never _threatened_ me

to get me to come here

with you."

You replied.

"She….."

I began

I had no words.

" She told me she would tell you about…"

You sighed.

"All that

_other_ stuff

if I wouldn't take her to watch the sunset last Saturday."

Just like that.

I was fully

Something again.

I was

Marianne.

Again.

"She knew you'd see us, that's how she planned it."

You continued.

"I deserved every one of those hexes I got thrown at me."

"Merlin, I'm so….so sorry Marianne."

I dropped

the rock

It made a loud

"smack"

I walked over to you

and hugged you.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

I whispered.

I had told you

I never cared

about your

"other girls."

And what

I did care about

Wasn't what

I had thought

it had been.

You hugged me back

Once the shock

wore off.

and as the sun set.

I felt you

kiss

my forehead.

As we walked back up

to the castle.

I told you

I had a Transfiguration essay

Due the next day.

And

I hadn't

Even

Started it.

When

I fell asleep

Hours later.

And she showed up.

You

kissed

My forehead

again.

And stayed.

" I love you."

You whispered

as

she stormed away

I think she might

have heard you.

"But you already knew that too didn't you?"

I nodded.

And yawned.

_**N/A Two chapters written one edited. Two hours. I'm hungry. It's 11/28/11 and I'll edit this soon!**_

_**Edited! This is the sappiest thing I've ever written! **_

_**Edit again: 12/12/11 When I one review on Hospital wing I'll publish this!**_

_**Edit: Again 12/14/11 got a review! And learn from these edits that I am usually a little ahead in updates. When I get inspired I can end up writing like 5 in a row. Then I edit them separately and upload them at various times. But you'll get a double update every once and a while!**_


	15. Not a fun dissicussion

_**N/A Random Inspiration! I had to make Lily show up at some point ….though I had hopes to keep her out since it seems any one who dates a marauder is friends with Lily in fanficland but ….the purgatory with it! I through Marianne into my holiday story ( which includes kind of how they got together if your wondering) But I promise none of my other stories are connected unless their sequels or something…but I have none of those….**_

If I counted

Whatever that was

As a fight

We would have had three.

In total.

But it wasn't

a fight.

I don't know what it was.

I woke up the next Morning

To a

Suspicion rid Eudora

And

A Joyful Lisa

And surprisingly,

A Somewhere in-between Lily.

On the foot of my bed.

I sighed and grinned at them.

In bits and pieces

They told me

How you called them down

To the common room

to carry me up

To bed.

And then left them

to do so

Without a single explanation.

So

I had to

Explain how:

We talked

And

Nothing had

really been

what I thought

it was.

And

You apologized

For everything.

Even though you didn't need too.

And then

helped me finish

My essay.

And then I fell asleep.

" So you told him you knew about...?"

Lisa started.

I nodded calmly

Though my mind was still

Sort of blown.

Lisa smiled at me

Eudora looked impressed.

Lily said she was surprised

you didn't faint

or something.

I agreed.

And told her

I was surprised

I didn't faint.

Or something.

And then Eudora

Asked about my essay.

And then

we started talking about

turning turtles into teapots.

And

how it was much easier

Then turning tortoises' into tea trays.

Yet none of us was sure why.

And all

was like

nothing happened.

Because

it didn't.

Well,

one thing happened.

And when we sat down.

To eat breakfast.

Lily looked

as if she had

suddenly remembered something.

" I forgot to ask,"

She turned to me.

" What are you and Potter fighting about?"

I turned to her

and tried

to look confused.

"What are you talking about?"

I asked her.

" You've been avoiding him…."

Lisa answered for her.

" And him to you."

Lily added nodding.

True enough.

I had completely

Stopped

talking to James.

And being

within a hundred feet

of him

for that matter.

Ever since

we had

Walked

together.

Around the school

And sat on the steps

Of the astronomy tower.

A week before.

And I

Did _not_

Want to talk about that.

So

I smiled mischievously.

And pointed to Lily.

"Since when do you pay attention to what Potter does?"

Lisa chuckled.

Lily looked away.

To hide her reddening face.

Eudora smirked.

" Off topic."

Lily Mumbled.

" You brought him up!"

I replied shrugging.

"Anyway,"

Eudora started

As Lily

Continued to fume.

" What happened between you guys?"

Well that plan

Had failed.

I thought for a moment.

Trying to look like

I was showing effort to remember.

" Nothing happened between us."

I said finally.

That was the truth.

I mean,

I had been

_nothing_

When

It had happened.

And he had

Seemed close

To _nothing_

When we were walking.

So

It was nothing to me.

But I had

kept wondering.

Through out the week.

In the back of my mind.

When I couldn't stop myself.

What was it for him?

I didn't

want to ask.

I really

Didn't

Want to talk about it at all.

So, logically.

I avoided him completely.

After

a few moments

of silence though .

" I mean, he's Sirius's best mate,"

Eudora pointed out.

" So?"

I asked.

Noticing

How pretty the ceiling

looked that day.

" According to Remus

all his friends were pretty upset too."

Lily had looked up again.

" That's why they attacked him!"

Lisa chimed in.

" James spent a good 20 minutes

Angrily whispering to Sirius

in the hospital wing

With Remus."

She stared me down.

Lisa nodded in agreement..

" Then he left

when he noticed we were there."

Obviously, Lisa thought

That had been

quite rude of him.

" He was very upset."

Eudora said

After a moment.

" Of course he was."

I replied.

" Then if he was upset,"

She stated.

" And you were upset.

About the same thing

Basically."

" Eudora your so dramatic!"

Lily groaned.

" Get to the point."

Eudora nodded

still perfectly calm.

" You always

like talking to James

about Sirius."

I shrugged.

" Yet after….."

She stopped.

Trying to decide how to

describe the whole predicament.

" After what happened,"

She continued.

" You avoid him ?"

Her look of

steady calm

Was momentarily disturbed

By a bit of concern

Showing in her eyes.

" I haven't

been feeling up to

talking to _anybody_ ."

I replied.

" Except the two times

I woke up to you two

On the foot of my bed"

I pointed to Lisa

And looked back

at Eudora.

Lily was glancing

Between us.

Not having

anything to say

and looking a bit worried.

" It just seemed

To me

that if anyone

could have talked to you

and understood

how you were feeling

It've been him."

I really wished

Eudora would have just

Stopped talking.

" You were wrong."

I replied.

And

That was

At least what I thought was

the truth.

" Now,"

I sighed.

The intensity slipping away

As me and Eudora

Relaxed a bit.

And Lisa started eating.

" Can we talk about something else?"

And so

With a few

Now flying in

to deliver letters

We talked.

About

Owls.

Though Eudora kept

giving me

concerned looks

Which I

Ignored

_**N/A Loooonnnggggg drooonnnnyyyyy chhhhhhaaapppptteeerrrr! Late chapter! Started before break chapter! Finished and barly edited today on my first day back at school but I'm uploading it today any way Sorry for the long Wait chapter! I keep getting annoyed about my favorites having no new chapters! Wow I'm a hypocrite! Did you notice how much more dramatic and longer conversations seem when I write them in this style! Hope that's not annoying! Love you guys hope you had happy holidays no matter what it is you celebrate! **_


	16. Sanguis The merciless

_**N/A Sorry about the construction thing guys! I think I might post that in the future whenever that happens this is later then I said I would but it's posted now! Also, Pumpkins sound like this… "…' ~ `…' …)..*..;" just for future reference!**_

_**N/A Short little mini- drabblette chapter. Sirius is suspicious! Felt like writing something, just not the incredibly amazingtacularly dramatic masterpiece I'm going to toss you guys soon.**_

Eudora, Lisa and Lily

Weren't the only ones who had noticed.

Me and James

Had stopped speaking.

And

The very next day

You

Questioned me as well.

I helping you

With a History of Magic essay.

And we had

just barely

Begun.

Since you hated the subject

I had expected you

To try to distract me

Every once and a while

As I attempted to teach you.

Everything you had slept through

in the last 5 classes

Though,

on your first attempt

I don't think you knew

How much you would succeed.

Well,

Maybe you did.

"Now in 1532 the wizard Gladii the Strong

Began his campaign to defeat

The powerful vampire Sanguis the…."

"Oh that reminds me,"

You interrupted

"What's up with you and prongs?"

I was caught

Completely of guard.

Luckily

I had been looking down at my notes.

So you couldn't have seen

My face.

I composed an annoyed look

And sighed.

" What about any of that

Could

possibly

remind you

Of James, Sirius?"

I asked impatiently.

" You and James,"

You corrected.

" Alright,"

I sighed again.

" What about any of that

Could

possibly

suddenly make you

Think about me and James?"

I asked.

You smirked.

"Speaking of you and James…"

I rolled my eyes again.

"What _is_ up with you two?'

I shrugged.

Nonchalantly

"Nothings 'up' with us Sirius."

I turned away

And looked

back to

my notes.

You grabbed them.

"No Marianne."

You said

When I reached for them.

"James wont tell me either."

I crossed my arms.

"There's nothing to tell Sirius"

I told you calmly.

I was staring strait

At the wall behind you.

You noticed.

" Don't you two trust me?"

You asked.

Your face was calm

But,

I saw in your eyes

That this

Had been bothering you.

I turned away again.

And I didn't respond.

I hate to admit it

But a very small

Part of me

Was glad

You thought I didn't trust you.

But another,

A larger,

part of me

Hoped you weren't

Feeling any of the pain

I had felt.

When I believed the same.

" Fine."

You said

After some time passed.

And neither of us had spoken.

" You don't have to tell me.

I won't make you."

I smiled inside.

Relieved

You weren't as

Persistent

As Eudora was.

"But whatever it is,"

You said as

You handed me back

My notes.

"Promise me you'll fix it soon?"

I nodded

After a moment.

And right away

You relaxed.

" Good,"

You smiled.

"Because Prongs needs your girl wisdom

If he ever wants a chance at getting Lily."

I smiled back

Before nodding

Back to professor-mode

And continuing to tell you

About Gladii the Strong

And Sanguis the Merciless.

_**N/A So now there's more pressure…she'll have to talk to James about what happened, and SOON. Dun Dun Dun…. I'm terrible at suspense. Hope you had all had lovely new year. I the first thing I did (literally the first second of the new year) was drink terrible tasting sparkling apple cider, my first thoughts were " This tastes awful" I had a few bad days but its been a livable year so far. Though I'm pretty sure that was a really bad omen. Can someone ask Trelawney exactly what it means for me? I just want to be sure I'm not going to be beheaded or something…actually…ask Firenze….. **_


	17. Thoughts lWhy? l

_**N/A Waiting for my sleep medication to kick in, felt like starting this, I tend to write the N/A's before the story and work on them after if I need to. This may or may not be the amazingtacularly dramatic masterpiece.**_

It

was

Simply Dreadful.

I couldn't go anywhere

Near James.

And

Anytime I talked to you.

All I could think about

Was

How exactly

Could I go about

To fixing this?

And

With or without you

No matter

Where I was

What I had been doing,

If I let

My concentration slip.

For even a second

It was all

I could

Think about.

And theses thoughts

Weren't very complex

But

At the same time

They weren't very simple either.

Conversations

I'd had with James in the past.

Mostly.

And

Our little wagers we made

About the things that you did.

On warm days.

How so much of

What I had thought of

On that

_Awful_

Saturday night

Were things

James had said.

About you

When we talked

Up at the astronomy tower

Sometimes.

Sure I had thought about

What a few of your "other girls"

Had said to me.

But at the same time,

I didn't think of Remus.

I was

Just as close

To Remus

As I was to James.

Remus had said many things to me

That were similar

To what James had said.

I talked to Remus

Just as much in the astronomy tower.

I woke up

To Remus

In the hospital wing.

And _I_

Visited _him_

In the hospital wing.

He trusted me.

Even when

James had been angry.

When_ you_ had been angry.

What was his reason to be angry?

The same as yours had been?

If either of the two

To think of

I should have thought of Remus.

I thought of James.

And your "other girls".

Why did I think of him

When I fell to nothing?

Why did he kiss me

When I fell to nothing?

When he almost fell.

Did he almost fall?

It was certainly

A large challenge

To get my mind

Back on track.

Little wagers,

Everyday conversations,

Quite simplistic questions,

With unknown answers.

If his mind was

Like my mind

Or

Possibly worse,

I thought

I was not looking forward to this conversation.

_**N/A More intensity! I haven't fully put together the James convo in my head yet so I keep putting it off! But I want it to be good! Dun Dun Dun and I wanted to write this because it sort of sets it up and brings up a lot of thought's I would have if I were reading this. But I don't really read things like this…too dramatic and sappy…hits and visitors are amazing but reviews are golden!**_


	18. Wise advice

_**N/A Here's a short little idea that popped into my head. I really want to do a Remus convo because she needs to talk to someone! And I happen to really like him so to bad if you just want her to talk to James! I'm the writer here! And I am still thinking that chapter up because it could go a lot of ways. **_

_**N/A Okay so I'm not totally evil. I got a review that though like all my reviews was short and sweet, made me decide to pity you. The next chapter will be the James one, then possibly a little Remus, because I really like him. I mean who else would be all "What? There's a boggart in the teacher's room? Keep it there I'll use it for teaching!" **_

When I was young

There was an old woman

Who lived

In the woods

Near my town

Not to far from me

She kept to herself

And didn't leave

Her little house

Very often.

My mother made me take her bread

And vegetables

From our garden

Every once in while.

She was very nice.

I

was very small

She told me

Her magic

Grew the entire forest

That surrounded

her house.

She told me

She knew Godric Gryffindor

When she was younger.

I was smart

I knew no one could be that old,

But

I

was small

And she looked very

old

And you could

Practically feel

The powerful magic she had

Radiating

Right off of her.

So I believed her.

I believed everything

she told me.

And she must have known that.

But she was nice.

And she made me soup

From the vegetables I brought

And fancy tea

Sent from a king named kolbeinn

Of a kingdom called Nennir.

She told me stories

She gave me a lot

Of advice

For when I was older.

I told her

I would go to Hogwarts.

She said

I'd be a Gryffindor

One of

The last times

I ever saw her.

She was sad

She said

She was worried

She wouldn't tell me

Why

But she told me

Something strange

Before I left

Something

She said

I should never forget

When you think something is lost

You may get lost

And you may disappear

Some may try to find you

Some may trust you

To find your way back

Some may just show you

A way to get there

Yet they let you return on your own.

But nothing will help

If the person themselves

Is not fully there themselves.

I did forget

Actually,

What she said

Until three days

After I helped you with your essay

It was midnight

I was reading a worn green book

Do you think she was a seer?

_**N/A Bum Ba dum dum dummmmmm ! Person from the past! Out of nowhere! **_

_**N/A Well yeah, Bum Ba dum dum dummmmmm! I mean come on who saw that coming? I didn't! And for the record the Green book actually means something! Symbolism! On purpose! Guess what it symbolizes and you get a special surprise!**_


	19. So

_**N/A Why hello there procrastination! Salutations writers block! Oh…and Good day James.**_

I waited

One full day

So

Whether or not

I wanted to

I would have to face you

At latest

When I saw you on Saturday

A good plan for past me

To use against future me.

Friday.

Relaxing

Happier then the other weekdays

As long as you have no important tests

And even so

You have Saturday

To get over it with .

My Friday was calm

My Friday had no tests

I relaxed myself

But even so

I had to face him

He had to face me

And I had to face you.

At that point

I was rocking back and forth

I knew it was nothing

You knew what _you_ had done

And that_ I_ had known it

You knew I was friends

with your friends

But

Long discussions with them

At the top of the astronomy tower

Trust,

betting,

Understanding,

You knew none of that

Not really.

I'm only really sharing it

Now.

I wasn't sure if I could

Or if I even had to

Then.

At the end

Of our last class of the day

I walked over to you

Quietly

Which was not very challenging

As everyone

Was charging the door.

You smiled at me

James was attempting

To repair the strap of his bag

Which had

torn itself

Almost cleanly

in half.

I nodded to you

And towards him.

You whispered good luck.

And left.

I wished my self good luck.

And muttered a spell

To fix the strap of his bag.

" Has watching me fumble lost its interest Padfoot?"

He turned around.

His eyes flashed surprise

But he was calm enough.

The kind of casual calm

To workers give each other

When they run into each other in public

And their wives

Have already started talking.

"Well that will never happen,"

I replied.

I gave him a small smile.

He looked at the floor.

"But I wanted to talk to you"

"And I didn't feel like waiting an hour."

He shrugged.

" Alright,"

Was all he said.

And we started walking.

" How are you?"

I asked.

He looked a bit confused

At the simple question.

" Good."

He nodded.

"You don't seem so."

I replied.

He looked at me questioningly.

I looked back

Perfectly calm.

"What do you mean by that?"

What did I

Mean by that?

"Well, you've been acting strange."

I said

After thinking it over.

"And I've been acting strange."

I watched for a reaction

But he was staring

Strait ahead

And he looked

As calm

As I was acting.

"And my friends,"

I stopped there.

We walked for a little while

Without saying anything.

I was

Sort of annoyed

At him.

For making me

Have to try

To pry a decent reply

Or at least a reaction.

Out of him.

"I've been questioned by my friends."

I sighed

Deciding not to dance around it.

If I went on

Like this

I would get nowhere fast.

"Sirius too."

He stiffened.

I kept going.

"They want to know why we're acting like this.

I know they hate not knowing.

I hate it too.

They want me to tell them

What's going on.

Well, what is going on?"

I started

To get upset

Out of nowhere.

I had a few tears.

But I wasn't looking at him.

He stopped walking.

" I don't know."

He stated.

He wasn't meeting my eye.

I sighed again.

I had questions

I wanted answers.

So I was going

To ask them.

" Remember when Remus

Told you I knew his secret?"

Confused again.

He nodded.

" Why were you so mad?"

He thought for a minute

" We're all very protective of him.

I knew you were smart

And

I didn't think you

Would be the type

to betray him

But the shock of someone else knowing

Sort of triggered

Irrational anger."

I nodded.

That made sense.

"Alright."

This proved

At least

He might at least try

To answer me.

" What were you feeling

When you saw him?"

I asked

The second

Question slowly.

I hadn't really

Planned my wording

To well

Before hand.

He placed his hand

To his forehead.

" I don't know, I,

I was in shock mostly."

I nodded

Again.

Though I knew now

What really happened.

It still wasn't nice

To think about.

" I was confused angry, and shocked,

And I had

a sort of sinking feeling

I didn't really believe it

But when Mooney and Wormtail

Looked shocked too

And when Mooney

Just flipped around

Looking like he was going

To commit murder

We all sort of

felt like that.

So when he ran

We ran too.

I guess we were

All just angry

And shocked

And Sad."

For a moment.

I thought about

One little thing he said.

"And when Mooney

Just flipped around

Looking like he was going

To commit murder

We all sort of

felt like that.

So when he ran

We ran too."

I smiled a bit

And again I asked myself

Why didn't I think of Remus?

" I felt that too."

Was all I could say.

" Except for the murder,

And I only felt anger

To myself."

He looked at me

Surprised.

" Yourself?'

I nodded.

" I thought about the things

You were always saying

And what the girls were

Always saying."

" Merlin Marianne."

He sighed.

" When will you listen to Lily

And realize I know nothing."

I smiled a bit.

But it didn't last long/.

"Even when I don't believe you

Now

And I didn't believe you

When you said them

When..."

I didn't know how to explain it.

"I get it."

He said quietly.

" Another thing as well is that

The other day,"

I paused.

I didn't

And still don't know

Why I thought of him.

I knew he wouldn't either.

But I knew he might

Answer another question.

" And all last week really,

I tried to figure out

How to

Or if I ever would ask you

This."

He looked into my eyes

He knew what I was going to ask

" On that morning

I didn't exist. I was nothing."

He nodded.

" I felt nothing

Thought nothing.

I was nothing."

I breathed deeply.

" What were you?"

He knew the question

I would ask

But I doubt

That's how he expected it.

" Marianne, I want to say I was nothing"

He started.

And I felt a sinking feeling.

" But I wasn't.

I was angry

And very,

very depressed.

And when I saw you

I became even sadder.

I think I was close to nothing."

He was staring

right in my eyes

but I don't

even think

he saw me at all.

" I told you before

How my shock

On you learning about Mooney

Triggered irrational anger.

Well what I felt

didn't make me nothing

But I wasn't myself.

When you said

you hated yourself

I hated myself a little too

Because I couldn't help you.

And when you were crying

I didn't know what to say

So I hugged you

And when you looked up

And I saw how empty

They were,

I still don't know why

But I kissed you."

We stood in silence.

" What were you thinking?"

I asked.

" I wasn't thinking or feeling

Anything,

I didn't even realize

What had happened.

Till after I had pulled away."

I sighed.

And I couldn't help it

I hugged him.

" Merlin James."

I mumbled.

A bit surprised

I assume.

He hugged me back.

" I don't think we'll

ever know what happened"

He nodded.

And I told you already

I still think about it

And try to figure it out

And it was probably

The same way with him.

And how I wonder

Sometimes

If he ever told you.

But I told you

Now.

And

Then.

I smiled at him.

" All that is known has been said."

I told him.

" Correct?"

He nodded

Giving me

A questioning look.

" I am hungry and

You know how to get

Into the kitchens."

I said plainly.

" You are very strange."

He stated.

When you think something is lost

You may get lost

And you may disappear

Some may try to find you

Some may trust you

To find your way back

Some may just show you

A way to get there

Yet they let you return on your own.

But nothing will help

If the person themselves

Is not fully there themselves.

I would not think

My friendship

Was lost

I would not get lost

I found my way back

Even when

I wasn't really anywhere

Because nothing happened.

_**N/A Happy Valentines day to those celebrating! And by that I mean by country not because your single. I am celebrating by wearing a cookie monster shirt teasing my friends who like people, and possibly letting some hug me if I'm in a good mood. I also published this all awaited chapter. Wanting to publish it on Valentines day is my totally brill excuse for being late. I didn't get a chance to edit which I apologize for but I put a lot of effort into this as I always do. And a simple ' Happy Valentines day' or even a ' I liked this chapter' or a ' I like this story' or even a ' this story sucks' would make me happy. I have to go now my sister is mad at me for taking so long. ~ Dark Lady Marrissa.**_


	20. A Little Laughter

_**N/A Sorry for the lateness of this chapter. I was having some computer issues. Namely my sister changed my password and I only managed to learn it and have the opportunity to put it in my computer and change it again to something she doesn't know this morning. So even though I don't have much of an idea for this chapter…..here I go! **_

We got a spot of food

In the kitchens

And talked a bit

About electric eels

And whether or not

Any lived in the lake.

Then when we finished

He told me he had

Detention

And he was late already.

I apologized

For making him late

He walked away laughing.

I ended up in the library

And sat myself down

At a table towards the back.

Half hidden behind a shelf.

I looked up

And

not seeking any book in particular

Took out my wand

And muttered

"Accio Spell book"

After a few seconds

A smallish purple book

Shot down from a row towards the top

And into my other hand.

It was titled

_A collection of my favorite little spells and how I've used them_

The author's name

I couldn't even pronounce.

Somewhat pleased

With the book the spell had chosen

I sat down and flipped though it.

Shortly after I began

I heard footsteps

Coming in my direction.

I didn't feel like moving

So I ignored them.

But seconds before

They would have reached me

They stopped.

I looked up slightly

But saw nothing.

And became slightly puzzled.

Shrugging it off

I looked back to my book

Holing it so

I could keep an eye

On the corner.

But just as I finished the page I was on

And started to flip around again

I heard another noise.

A long slow heavy breathing

I got Goosebumps on my shoulders

And slid the book into my bag

As I picked up my wand I realized

I had nothing to aim it at

I could still see no one.

I stood wand ready

And waited for something to come

But after a while the breathing faded

It was as if whatever it was had walked away.

Yet there had been no footsteps.

And I could feel the presence

Of something just around the corner

So

I continued to wait

Expecting something to suddenly

Try to pounce on me or

Attack me.

I didn't even notice

Someone was coming up behind me

Until I felt a hand on my shoulder. 

I flinched and spun around

Saying the first spell that came to mind.

When I finally realized what I had done

I was to busy laughing at the sight

Of Eudora lying on the floor

Staring up at me smiling

And soaking wet.

I heard more laughter

From around the corner

And was only slightly surprised to see Remus

He helped Eudora up and she glared at him.

"I was looking for you and he decided to help me when we ran in to each other"

Eudora started to explain.

"It was his idea to scare you."

I glared at him too.

I was still smiling though.

"Well don't do it again you really scared me."

I said trying to sound serious.

"We can see that."

He chuckled.

"Sorry"

As we walked up to the common room

To get Eudora dried off

I turned to Remus.

" How did you know I was there

I never saw you?"

I asked quietly.

"Wolves have a pretty good Sense of smell."

He replied smiling.

_**N/A Thought I'd do something a little lighter. Remus is awesome as I've already told you. For those who feel like guessing about the book I've gotten no right answers. You can review with an answer or send me a PM. Both are much appreciated as I am always telling you. And I decided to give you a hint.**_

_**The book itself **_

_**The titles been mentioned**_

_**It's about a boy who can fly**_

_**Not the name I seek**_

_**But more of sorts**_

_**Of what happens when it arrives.**_

_**In the plot what does it symbolize.**_

_**Tell me and you'll get a surprise. **_


	21. Temper Temper

_**N/A Sorry for being late again! I've been having a real iuwhncxouihfnwco week so… but school shall start again soon so hopefully the next few wont be late. Thank you for the review I got! It was a longish random paragraph of a review and I've never gotten one before! Made my day. Little short and maybe not so sweet ones are still always appreciated!**_

You weren't perfect__

There were

Many things

I didn't like about you.

You had a

Bad temper

And a quick one

At that

It always got you into messes

You were

Very proud

Very confident

And those can be good things

Sometimes

But with your temper

And your _power_

Yes

You had power,

It could be scary

To think about

Those poor people

You called your enemies.

You were also

Very reckless.

You didn't take the time

To think about something

Or plan.

In a few dangerous situations

It helped save lives

Including _your own_.

But quick tempers

_Power_

_Pride_

And

Recklessness

And a little to much curiosity

Inability to resist

Adventure

Danger

Ignoring when something

Gives you a bad feeling

Can end lives

Can risk lives

Can damage lives.

And all

The Marauders

Knew that.

You knew that.

But you were you.

And you were

Things

And did things

You shouldn't have.

Because you were you.

And I could

Warn you

All I wanted.

And I did.

But did it really make a difference?

_**N/A I really didn't know what to write. Hopefully I can reference this later on it seems like that kind of chapter. Imaginary Tacos for all reviewers! I've wanted a taco for the past month basically. Still haven't gotten one….. **_


	22. Flowers

_**N/A Lucky you getting a new chapter early! I have to work at an event tomorrow so yeah…..enjoy! Well maybe not…it's not a joyous chapter exactly….. It's a bit short too I have a lot of home work!**_

When you ran away

To live with James

Disgraced your family

Got blown off a tapestry

And proved that

in full truth

You were not like

Them

The day after

I got the most mail

I'd ever gotten

In one day

When I was at home

From Hogwarts

The day

The gossip mill

Exploded

Time froze

"He finally did it!"

The day

My mother

Had nothing to say

About you

And gave me a smile

And a shrug

When I gasped

The day

My father

Laughed

For 1,000 years

At the dinner table

"Saucy boy"

He called you

My father had always liked

Shakespeare

One of the most important days

Of your life

I'm sure

It is to you.

The day

I got

A hundred letters

Not one from you

Not till a week later

_Sure you've heard. So what do you think? ~ Sirius_

Most girls

Would have killed you.

But

The day before

On the night you ran away

Before letters

And laughing

And hearing gossip

All day

When I went to Diagon Ally

I went to my room late that night

To sleep

And there were flowers

On my pillow

Tied with a black ribbon

That looked strangely

Like the ones

Mrs. Potter

Had bragged about

To me

At kings cross.

_**N/A Sweet little thing at the end and an important canon moment for Sirius ( I'm a canonish person). Yeah wrote an awesome paragraph for English while blasting Disney music because my sister was blasting One Direction. I like them but seriously I cant concentrate with that and I'm not full on in love with them like she is. It's Harry Potter! and Harry Styles. in my mind ...….Just saying!**_


	23. Alive

_**N/A I like doing weekly updates. The regularity is like a little due date! Any way. Answer to a question: Sorry if it was confusing but Mrs. Potter was bragging about some flowers she had ( grown by her) to Marrianne at kings cross and one might suspect that someone ( a very obvious someone) stole some and tied them with a black ribbon ( Aren't I clever?) then left them on her bed. I hope that's not too confusing! On with the chapter! **_

I feel a different

Type of sad

As I remember

This next little

Important moment.

It's bittersweet

The day you

_Almost _

Died.

Barely two weeks

You had lived at the Potters

You invited me over

To help you two

With your and James's chores

Needless to say

Your former household

Didn't give you much experience

In that area.

Mrs. Potter had thought:

Twice the amount of kids

Twice the amount of chores.

James had thought:

_Twice the amount of work being put off_

_Twice as noticeable_

_That it wasn't really being done. _

Also:

_If it needs to be done_

_He can't do it._

But I could.

So at some point

In the late afternoon

I heard a crash in my chimney

And covered in soot

Some

From a fire the night before

And most

From trying to clean out

The Potter's fireplace

You looked up at me

And gave me a half smile

And then James

Appeared and fell on top of you.

The cleaning was easy

And went rather smoothly

Until we reached the attic

We needed to sweep

And I asked you two

To go get 'the brooms'

And James being James

And you being you

Got the brooms alright.

The quidditch brooms

And about ten seconds later

I heard you zooming

Past the window

At top speed.

I chuckled.

" Not those brooms you idiots"

I yelled out the window.

You both started howling with laughter

And you decided to show off

Pushing yourselves faster and faster

Spinning

Diving

And pulling out at the last second

Flying upside down

**Maneuvering through trees **

"_Don't crash now padfoot those trees are like stone, you'll smash your brains out."_

"_Please, prongs, I could do this with my eyes closed."_

"_Merlin Sirius please doesn't try it!"_

"_Don't go getting yourself worried Marrianne."_

You did wonderful

Weaving in and out

Time after time

Faster and faster

But eyes closed

And you didn't bother

To slow down at all

Snitch speed

Trees like stone.

I don't think

I'd ever run as fast as I did

Down the attic stairs

Through the kitchen door

Strait to the crumpled mess

At the foot of the trees.

My heart probably stopped

100 times

Seeing you lying there

Unconscious

Blood dripping from your mouth

Limp as an old rag

We thought

_I thought _

You were dead

And I couldn't help but think

You would have been more than pleased

To die

On a broom

Doing something risky

In James Potter's back yard

It would have been

So typical of you

And when you woke up

After 10 hours

In

James asked

"How are you feeling? Are you alright?"

You replied

"I can't feel my legs

My head is dizzy

And I'll most likely will

Spend the next week

Or longer trying to heal."

You coughed.

"Why are you smiling?"

"I lived didn't I?"

And I don't know why

Or how I managed to stay

Perfectly calm

Through the entire situation

But that's when I chose

To finally cry my eyes out.

_**N/A That little snippet of dialogue has been waiting on the side of some math notes forever! I've been dying to use it in a story (either this one or a top secret project I'm working on) and I finally got a situation to use it! I was going to do a quidditch accident later in the story originally but then my plot took me here and me thought what the alpaca! I promise this plot is going somewhere. Hopefully in the next chapter how I'm tying up the last few will be clearer! **_


	24. Please listen

_**N/A I don't know if I told you guy this yet but you may have noticed how I do N/A instead of A/N. Well instead of "Authors Note" mine is "Note from Author. Just trying to fight the status quo and be weird! To be clear: yes I do it on purpose. I always have. Also fair warning: My goal is to make someone cry with this chapter. Specifically with one line towards the end. But I'm overly sensitive towards fictional people so… **_

On that day

I realized something

Terrifying.

I knew what it was like

Too have you

Hate me

To think

You didn't love me

To lose myself

When I thought

I lost you

Or that

I never had you

But even in those times

I could still see you

It hurt to look at you

But I could.

If I could compare

What you were to me

It would be

A bit like that feeling

Of being wrapped fully

In a warm blanket

_Comfortable_

_Safe_

And that

It you would

Stay like that

Wrapped up

_Warm_

Forever.

But it wasn't

The blanket could slip

Off my feet

And leave me a bit chilly

A tad uncomfortable

On that

Particular day

Like a few others

Later on,

It was jerked

**Right off**

Leaving me

Surprised

Confused

A little dizzy

Uncomfortable

And

_cold_.

But I stayed calm

If

I had any sliver of a chance

To save you

I would

Try and try

I would not

Let you die

Because I did something wrong

Because of me.

And

That's why I warned you

Constantly

From then on

More than ever.

Gave you advice

Tried to stop you

"_Sirius please listen! Listen to me! You're going to get your self killed."_

I didn't act it

But I was always

Worried about you

But you were you

And I was me

And you liked the feeling

Of playing tricks on death.

You were a prankster

After all.

Ever so proud

You couldn't die

You were Sirius Black.

But all that

In my mind

And hopefully

In the back of yours

Just a bit

Though you never showed it

_Shattered_

Powerful

Crazy

Rich

Independent

And

Young

As you were

You weren't immortal.

And every once and I while

The blanket was

Jerked

And we were

Reminded of that.

But you lived.

For then.

Life went on

For

Many more reckless

Stunts.

Adventures

Important moments.

And my story

Will continue

For I have much more

To tell

But as I'm

Writing this

Right now

Merlin, Sirius

I'm so cold.

I have a few

Pictures

But there so hard

To look at.

Merlin, Sirius

I'm so _cold._

_**N/A Gloomy much? Well you only really get the right mood from it if you read it slow and in a drone tone. Hehe Drone Tone….… Like a bee! I don't know if any of you have seen Soul Eater but reading over the " playing tricks on death" part I pictured a giant Lord Death looking angry as a young much smaller cartoon Sirius flies by on a broom. Yeah trying to be dumb here to rile you out of any dark moods I put you in. And if I put you in a dark mood please share! I mean I want you to be happy but tear-jerking is always a good goal while writing sad stuff. Unless you think my work is so bad it makes you cry….tell me! I love all reviews!**_


	25. Sea Of Fire

_**N/A Y'know what the funniest part about Sirius-hate in reviews is? A main part of this is that no one understands why she likes him, not his friends, her friends, and apparently some reviewers! I chuckled at that. Chuckle chuckle chuckle! Warning: Light hearted chapter. So you probably shouldn't play depressing music. **_

You started off school

In a very Marauder

Fashion.

By doing something

Well planned

Incredibly complex

And

Stupid

That would cause laughter

For hours

In Gryffindor

And

Hours of griping

In

Slytherien.

A lovely little prank it was

Really.

And the details are fuzzy

But I think it had something to do

With grape juice

And lizards.

As we laughed about it

A few days later

By the lake

I noticed a piece of parchment

Fall from your bag

And drift a bit in the wind

It didn't go too far

And when I grabbed it

And took a quick look at it

I ended up

Staring at it

Confused.

"Is this what I think it is?"

I asked.

You walked up behind me.

"What?"

You replied casually.

I stared at you.

" What?"

You repeated.

This time

You glanced at it .

It was an old piece of parchment

Faded Latin

Written

In a thin

Loopy script

Covered most of the page

At the bottom

Was a sketch

Of a large curling wave

Of what looked like fire

With sparks showering down over it.

I read

The underlined title.

And skimmed the page

"It's just a spell."

You shrugged.

I continued to stare at the paper

I wondered

When you had taken such an interest

In spells

Spells

That weren't on the curriculum.

Most of all

A spell like this.

"The _Mare ignis_ spell is **very** advanced,"

I turned to you.

"I think I can handle it.

It doesn't look very hard."

You took the parchment

From my hand

And shrugged again.

I wasn't so relaxed.

"Where did you even find this?"

I asked.

Not even

Bothering to hide

My feelings.

"I got sent to Dumbledore yesterday"

You said

Walking over to your bag.

"There was a book open on his desk

This was in it

And it

Caught my eye."

I grabbed your arm.

"You stole that from Dumbledore's office?"

I pointed at the parchment.

"Yeah what's your point?"

You smirked.

Truthfully

I was only half surprised.

"Sirius, you're impossible."

I glared.

But I smiled a bit.

"Have you even heard of that spell?"

You thought for a moment.

"No, why?"

I sighed.

"It's

_Incredibly_ dangerous

And spectacularly challenging

To master.

Even the slightest slip up

And…."

I paused for a moment.

"What?"

You asked.

My thoughts drifted

"What is it?"

I saw how worried you looked

I came back

And nodded

"You're too young to try it."

I said firmly.

You chuckled.

"Really?"

"Really."

I said seriously.

I glared at you.

No smile.

But I'm sure some concern

Showed in my eyes.

"Fine."

You handed me the parchment.

"Then you can return this for me."

You smirked again.

I smiled.

"Don't you go trying it either."

You failed at giving me

A reprehensive look.

I rolled my eyes.

As we walked up to the castle

You turned to me.

"So who _is_ advanced enough to do this spell?"

You asked.

"I truthfully only know of one person who's

At least tried it."

I answered.

You looked at me

Curiosity

And wonder

In your eyes.

"Dumbledore."

_**N/A Foreshadowing! ! You guys must hate me by now with all my " You'll get this soon" stuff but…. This is going to be so important in like 15 chapters when you've forgotten all about it! And in the next chapter too… but whatever… Also! I'VE NOTICED THE UK has lost some ( a lot of) interest in me. **_

_**Is it because I said Harry Potter is better then Harry Styles? Personally I think even **__**Harry Styles knows that….And I mean just Harry Potter as a dude. As the book series…well with guys like Sirius and Ron and Dumbledore and Dobby….No one stands a chance do they? As always reviews are glorious! I love that word!**_


	26. Burnt

_**N/A hiatus? Writers block? Laziness? Terrible memory? Oh and fire Gosh darn it! **_

I give very good advice

Yet I very seldom

Follow it.

And personally

If I hadn't met you

I don't think

I even would have

Ended up

In such a state.

And that state

Was

Sneaking out at night

Asking questions

In class

That seemed random

To everyone.

But had secret meaning

And necessary information

To me.

Hiding an

Old piece of parchment

With

Faded Latin

Written

In a thin

Loopy script

Covering most of the page

And

At the bottom

A sketch

Of a large curling wave

Of what looked like fire

With sparks showering down over it

Under my pillow

And in my bag

And my books

And the pockets of my robes.

Though I memorized

It quickly.

I wanted to try it

To be able to do it

And use it

For the same reasons you wanted to

To stand out

Show your power

Show your strength

Your talent

Magical knowledge

And

Ability to more

Than what people thought you could do.

You told me

Exactly those things

That night

When I asked why

You wanted to try it

And

I said I wanted a real answer.

Though that seemed

True enough to you

I knew

Every one knew

The power you had

And though you didn't

Study

And you fooled around

I had no doubt

That when you were older

You would be a great wizard.

And you certainly

Stood out

Plenty.

You were _Sirius Black._

We talked only

For a bit more

You had questions too

And you wanted real answers.

I went more in depth

About the danger

The stories

The deaths

The whole time

I thought of you

In every situation.

How Ironic

That must seem to you.

Also I'm sure

The danger I told of

Made it even more attractive

To you

However

I had the parchment now

And

I wanted those things

But for a different reason

Dark Times

Were falling

On us.

It was becoming

More obvious

The grown ups

Couldn't hide it all away.

For much longer.

And In a battle

Protecting me

My family

My friends

Or protecting you

I could use

Magic like that.

Something as far as I knew

Only one other person

Could do.

Then after

A little over

A month

of

Reading

Asking

Making small sparks

And little fires

In the fire place

For the first time

Down at the lake

I tried to create

A _sea of fire._

And

As I fell to the ground

With my

Wand hand

Unable to release my wand

My hair charred at the ends

And feeling

Like a large

_Snake _

Made of coals

Was wrapping around my

Body.

I felt a hand

On my shoulder.

The flames

Had stopped suddenly

And it seemed

Just in time.

Yet it was

As simple

As if someone had walked up

And blown them out.

As I was lifted up.

I just barley heard

A whisper.

The tiniest bit of amusement

In his voice.

"_The things one sees on nightly strolls."_

_**N/A As an apology for my hiatus and because I take for ever to get to a point, I didn't want to spilt this chapter, and….yeah! Long-ish not really chapter! And this took foreeevver to think of! Well actually I had the Idea just not a way to put it into words. Oh and free chocolate covered bananas and kiwis to whoever knows the reference in the first lines. Its easier than the last I promise!**_


	27. Return

_**N/A April 14th! Otherwise known as my birthday! Guess how old I am and you'll have the satisfaction of freaking me out and getting a cool surprise in the next chapter.**_

_**Any way I bet you can guess who that was that came in at the end of the last chapter and if not just keep reading…**_

Hospital wing

Third times the charm

Or rather not.

More a terrifying enchantment

That made a

Dangerous

Explosive

Uncontrollable

Massive

Curling wall of

Burning red flames.

And there they were.

Yet this time there were three.

On the foot of my bed.

Yet this time

You

Were in the chair

Next to me.

Remus stood behind.

James and Peter had detention.

Yet this time

I couldn't feel my body

My hair was a charred

Terrible smelling

Crazy mess

My wand hand

Had become some sort of yeti paw

Of bandages.

I tried to turn over

But I couldn't.

I assumed

I looked just as scared as I was

Because strait away

You put your hand on my arm

In worry.

" I..I cant move my body…"

You nodded calmly.

I stared at you.

"Temporary full body paralysis."

Remus said quietly.

I turned my stare to him.

"They wanted to make absolute sure you didn't move it

And cause your self more injury

and without a doubt more pain." 

I continued to stare

At both of you.

"I can't feel anything at all."

You smiled.

"I guess that's just a bonus."

I gave you a small smile

Though I was still confused

And still a bit scared.

"What happened?"

I asked.

I turned my head to look at

Lily, and Lisa, and Eudora.

"I was just going to ask you that."

Eudora replied plainly.

"Care to share any ideas you have

On how you got roasted like a Christmas ham?"

I shook my head.

Yet it was beginning to come back.

Who had saved me?

Who had stolen away the flames with such ease?

What was that they had said?

"Good morning, hope I'm not interrupting,"

_The voice_

I thought_._

"Feeling better Ms. Fahy?"

"Actually Professor, I can't feel at all."

He smiled at me

His eyes crinkling in that way they do

Beneath his half moon spectacles

"Ah, yes."

He nodded.

" But it seems you can talk rather well."

I nodded this time.

"Yes, professor."

"Then do you think I might have a word with you?"

He was still smiling

But concern was in his eyes.

"Of course."

I said nervously.

And then you all left me.

You kissed my yeti hand

First though

I looked down towards the foot of my bed.

Dumbledore chuckled

As you walked away

He watched you.

I watched him.

Without warning

He turned to me.

"You love him don't you?"

I was caught off guard

A bit

But I nodded.

"Very much professor."

He nodded.

Slowly he walked over to sit

In the chair

You had been in

I witched him

In confusion

And

Very nervous.

" Does he lie to you?"

He looked at me.

His face was calm.

I didn't know how to respond.

"I…."

I was going to say I didn't know

Where he was going with this

But he his stare

Perevented me

From any arguing.

I knew he was Dumbledore

And this had to have a point.

"Recently I mean?"

I shook my head.

"Not that I know of professor."

That was the truth.

" Does he hide things from you?"

I sighed.

" Yes professor."

He nodded again.

" Recently?"

I shook my head slowly.

" Not that I know of."

I was no longer looking at him.

I was terrified that

He knew something I didn't.

He took a turn

I'd never had predicted.

"What about you Marrianne?"

I was surprised he had used

My first name

And upset about my answer.

"I'm hiding something from him right now."

I didn't want to look at him

But I did anyway.

He was giving

Me a kind smile.

"I know you are."

I felt like the worst person in the world.

" How exactly did _you_ end up with the parchment though?"

He looked slightly amused.

"When he was the one who took it from my desk?"

Now this didn't shock me.

" He gave it to me to give it to you."

I replied.

Trying to sound believable.

"Not to willingly I assume."

Despite my discomfort

I smiled at this.

" No professor."

He smiled back.

" Will you give it to me willingly?"

I sighed.

" Yes."

He was still smiling.

" But you've memorized it already haven't you?"

His eyes crinkled again.

I looked down.

" I can't do it though."

He chuckled.

" That brings my next question,"

He said quietly.

I looked sadly back to him.

" Why would you want to?"

I stared at him

For what felt like hours

Before I finally replied.

" Protection."

I expected him to laugh

Or say I didn't need protection

Something all the other

Grown ups

Were doing.

But he just looked at me

Seriously

And asked me

From whom I was trying to protect myself.

" You- know-who."

I replied.

" And death eaters."

And he didn't laugh

He didn't tell me I didn't need to.

He just asked

Why I thought they would want to kill me.

" They want to kill everyone, everyone good."

I said these answers by no will of my own.

They sounded strange in my ears

And just seemed to come out.

They were true nonetheless.

" I want to protect those people."

Then he said something

That tied my stomach up.

" Is he one of those people?"

I looked away

For what felt like the thousandth time.

I looked at the ceiling.

" The one I'm most scared for."

I said

I felt my eyes misting.

And it was true

" What makes you feel this is the best spell for that?"

I heard him say

Like he was far away.

For now I was lost

In thoughts

Terrifying thoughts.

" Not many can do it."

I replied.

I felt him watching me

Waiting for me too look back to him.

"There is more powerful magic."

He told me.

I sighed.

"I know there is."

"More challenging and dangerous spells"

"I know"

I turned to look at him finally.

" Are you going to keep trying it?"

I answered with the question

I had wanted to ask since I woke up.

" Will I be okay?"

He smiled a knowing smile.

" Since the answer is yes to your question,

I imagine it is for mine."

"Yes."

I smiled.

" Then I will help you."

I almost gasped out loud.

"But you can tell no one."

I swallowed hard.

"Even Sirius."

Truthfully,

I was going to any way.

" Alright."

" Feel better, Ms. Fahy."

" Thank you professor."

And though it was only

Twenty minutes max

I was exhausted

And fell asleep.

_**N/A I hate this chapter. I rushed the second half of it so pity me with criticism. **_


End file.
